perspective.

sat, 6.23 – today we visited an idp (internally displaced people) camp call Awer (pronounced ‘away’). it was a really really heavy visit, and it made me very contemplative afterwards. we arrived near the center of the camp because that is where the small hut where some of the bracelet makers for invisible children are located. **if you are unfamiliar with the i.c. bracelet campaign, you should go to invisiblechildren.com and read about it** we visited with them for a few minutes, saw where/how/by whom the bracelets are made, and then walter, the man who is in charge of the bracelet operations there and at 2 other locations (not in camps), assigned us various tasks to do around the camp. phil and i pumped water…at one of the four bore-holes in the entire camp…4 wells for 50,000 people! some of the rest of our group swept out and organized a hut, sold vegetables in the small market, cleaned and cooked random meat (i think i saw intestines in the pictures too…), and a few other odd jobs. after we finished working (about an hour), we walked through some of the camp. we were followed by a mob of children who were intrigued by this group of mzungus who was ‘touring’ their ‘home’.

i understand that the intention of having us do work in the camp was to keep us from seeming like we were there as simple tourists. ‘conflict tourism’ has become a rampant business in this part of the world, as people are becoming rich by marketing the ‘experience’ of interacting with these unfortunate people to westerners. as a result, many of the conscious organizations (such as invisible children) are making a concerted effort to avoid the appearance of such tourism. for instance, they asked that we only take one camera if we wanted to document the trip into the camp, and they have always emphasized the importance of asking permission before taking anyone’s picture. however, i felt that our doing chores in the camps was so contrived that it merely made our presence there seem MORE like that of a group of tourists. i mean, we drove in, piled out of the mutatu, met with the bracelet makers, ‘worked’ for an hour, went walking about the camp as if it were a zoo or aquarium, piled back into our vehicle, and drove back to our comfortable lives in our walled compound with our laptops and our running water and electricity. how can any self-aware person who is sensitive to the needs of the people around him NOT feel totally invasive, intrusive, and selfish in such circumstances? it was really a difficult emotion to wrestle with…the entire way home, i tried to work through all the feelings and thoughts running through my head – guilt, shame, disgust, self-loathing, awareness, etc. – but i could not come to terms with them completely. maybe i never will. maybe we’re not supposed to be able to…

my heart truly breaks for these people. i will, in a few short weeks, return to my home, to all of the hustle and bustle of my daily life. i will leave these people in their despair and empty lives to go back to my life…a life that i’ve complained and groaned about time and time again. back home, to all of the ‘stuff’ that i have worked so hard to accumulate. and even now as i write these lines, i have to choke back tears because i realize just how self-centered i am. i have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak. i have electricity and clean, drinkable, running water. i have family members who are all alive and healthy, none of whom carry hideous scars of torture or landmines or mutilation that act as a reminder of the conflict that destroyed life as usual. i have enough clothes to outfit a small army, enough food for way more than myself, enough money to merit throwing it away on things like movies, music, and books. and yet i still complain??? i am selfish, disgusting, and self-centered.

it is impossible to be here in this place, amongst these people, and not be changed. i am praying very sincerely that, as i return to the states and resume my life, i will be able to find the fine line between personal awareness and self-righteousness judgment of those around me. i wrestle daily with the idea of God’s sovereignty and mercy. it is so hard to accept the idea that He allows this to happen to these people while we live in such relative luxury. why should i be allowed to live comfortably while people here suffer? i certainly don’t deserve it any more than any of these people do. please continue to pray for me as i grapple with these emotional and spiritual obstacles.

if this blog achieves nothing else, i pray that it will make people more aware of the fortune and immense wealth that we live with daily as americans. please know that, regardless of what you do or do not have, there are millions of people here who have NOTHING.

i pray that the perspective that i’ve acquired here can touch more lives than just mine. i have looked into the eyes of these people, and the hopelessness and anguish that i have seen there is something that i will carry with me for the rest of my life.

babywipe showers, lots of candles, and friends around town.

mon, 6.18 through fri, 6.22 – this week began to feel like a routine.  we have become comfortable in our schedules, and i’ve learned my way around town pretty well…or at least well enough to get to the few places that i frequent.  we went without power from sunday morning through early wednesday morning, and did not have any running water at the house during that same time.  the group of roadies (the college students who were sharing the house with us for the past week…they’re called ‘roadies’ because they’re the ones who have spent the majority of the last year touring the u.s. to screen the invisible children dvd to people all over the country) anyway, they left on sunday morning, and the second group of teachers will not arrive ‘til wednesday, so the 6 of us had the house to ourselves for a few nights.  on sunday night, we tried to watch cinderella man, but the disc was scratched up, so we all went to bed around 9:30.  monday night, we watched love actually…which was pretty good. 

the rest of the week was pretty good, aside from the 4 days of ‘baby-wipe showers’ and candlelit nightlife.  my lessons have all gone well, and i’ve enjoyed getting to meet people at various places in town.  the second group of teachers arrived on wednesday, and they seem pretty cool.  on friday, danielle, catherine, and i all ate lunch with them and walked around downtown, helping them find their way around.  it was kinda neat to realize how much i’ve grown accustomed to the people, places, and cultures here.  i must admit, it’s cool to walk through a market or into a business and have someone exclaim, “bryan!” (actually, it sounds more like “bry-yown”) and rush to greet you with a handshake or a hug.

pedagogy, convoy, chicken testicles, father’s day, and a haircut.

sat, 6.16 through sun, 6.17 – after our first week in the schools, this weekend was a nice break.  on saturday morning, we discussed the book we read before coming, Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire.  it got to be a pretty deep and heavy conversation…much more than i was ready for at 9am on a weekend!  it was a great discussion, but it was just pretty difficult to wrap my head around some of the conflicting ideas.  the biggest question, and by far one of the hardest to definitively answer, is the one of our overall impact here…do the positive effects of our presence in the classrooms outweigh the adverse effects of our presence in the war-torn area of gulu.

after our book discussion, we went to the acholi inn for lunch.  it took forever to get our food…once again, african time is VERY different from ours…but we ate out on this huge lawn under giant trees and the weather was mildly sunny with a nice breeze, so it was quite enjoyable.  phil, seth, and i all ordered the goat skewers, which left much to be desired, but the company was great.  later in the evening, after spending more time just walking around the town and meeting people, we stayed in at the volunteer house and enjoyed a low-key night in.  later on, several of the invisible children mentors (they work one-on-one with the i.c.-sponsored children  to help guide them in their studies and their lives) came over and hung out with us.  my friend david, who also works for i.c., came by too.  before long, david, peter paul, and anthony were teaching us how to play a card game that they call ‘convoy’ (it’s more or less the same as uno, but with a regular deck of cards and a few new rules).  they were really funny because they were talking trash and teaching us how to talk trash “the ugandan way”…hilarious and lots of fun.

on sunday, i went to isaiah’s house so that we could plan our lessons for monday.  having a visitor is a very big deal here, and the people of uganda get very excited when they have a guest.  isaiah introduced me to his wife and their son, as well as the 2 daughters and son of his brother that he takes care of…kinda surprising, considering he hadn’t even mentioned being married or anything in our previous conversations about family.  as is the custom here (which is rather similar to that of southerners in the u.s.), they pretty much offered me food from the moment i walked in the door and didn’t stop until i left.  the funny thing is that in acholi culture, if someone invites you into their home and offers you food and you decline,  it is considered VERY rude.  so, regardless of how full you are or how much you just ate, you’re eating…pretty much whatever they put in front of you.  on this particular day, isaiah’s wife had prepared a whole chicken, a lump of millet bread (think halfway-cooked bread dough), rice, and beans…and this was only a few hours after they served me tea and fried cassava strips.  needless to say, i was pretty stuffed…but, like i said…whatever they put in front of you. 

now, when i say ‘whole chicken,’ i pretty much mean everything but the feathers, the beak and the feet.  it was cooked in a broth of sorts, and the heat had tenderized the meat such that the wings and legs had come off in the stirring.  right after i selected a small wing from the pot and was psyching myself up to smile while eating something that could quite possibly taste awful, isaiah and his wife glanced at each other and laughed.  i smiled and asked him what i had done, and he proceeded to explain that it is customary for the guest to eat “this piece here,” a statement that was accompanied by his using the spoon to lift the main section of the chicken slightly from the broth-filled pot.  first of all, this was a MASSIVE chunk of fowl.  at the sight of it, i had a brief conversation with my stomach, who was already mad at me for stuffing down cassava chips and tea after eating lunch a mere hour prior.  it went something like this:

Stomach: ‘heck no…you better find a way out of THIS one.’

Me: ‘but i can’t be rude…’

Stomach: ‘rude, my foot…you are NOT eating all of that.’

so i ceded to my stomach and resolved to at least attempt to find a way from having to eat this huge thing.  now, to add to my desperation, i noticed as isaiah lifted up the meat that there were pieces and parts that i had never dreamed of eating and that, in my experience, had no dietary value and thus were normally removed.  but again, T.I.A., so of course they are used.  so there in front of me sits this enormous portion of chicken, testicles and all, and i’ve just been informed that it was intended especially for me.  i’ve been given many gifts in my life that excited me…this was not one of them.  i must have pretty much worn my un-excitement all over my face, because isaiah smiled and then, just as i was beginning to return my wing to the pot to swap it for the other ¾ of the chicken, he said, “it is okay…you eat the one that makes you comfortable.”

all at once, my brain, my stomach, and the rest of my body all let out a collective sigh of relief.  i politely told him that i didn’t want to be rude and that if it was prepared specially for me, i would gladly partake.  he smiled and told me that he wanted me to enjoy my meal and not to feel obligated.  after assuring me that it would not go to waste, he encouraged me to eat the piece on my plate…so i did.  so no, i (thankfully) did not eat chicken testicles, and the food was not all that bad.  i felt like the michelin man after i ate, and i couldn’t even think about eating dinner that night.

for dinner, we took phil (who was pretty homesick since he was away from his wife and 3 daughters for the first time ever on father’s day) out to eat.  we were all missing our dads too, so it was a nice vicarious father’s day celebration for all of us.  we had a cake made at a local bakery and they even wrote “happy father’s day, phil.” on it (yes, they put a period, not an exclamation mark…hilarious).  the cake was DRY…as if they substituted the oil with oh, i dunno…sand, maybe?  but we all got a good laugh out of it, and it meant a lot to phil.  after the cake, one of the girls who was here for a few weeks (who also happens to be a few weeks shy of her certification at the paul mitchell design school) gave me a haircut.  not a bad weekend.

more catching up.

mon, 6.11 through fri, 6.15 – our first week in the classroom…we are supposed to be observing for this week, but i think isaiah and i are both comfortable beginning our team-teaching by thursday.  all of the classes that i’m going to be teaching are senior-5 classes, which means they’re basically the equivalent of american seniors in high school.  the difference is that these students had to pass a test to get to this level, and they have chosen to focus on literature.  therefore, they are pretty serious and interested in the subject matter, which makes it way more fun in class.  our class has only 8 students – 6 boys and 2 girls – and it pretty much functions like a college class.  it is in stark contrast to the classes that my fellow teachers are in…most of theirs have between 80 and 140 students IN EACH CLASS!  ridiculous.

at the school, the schedule (or time-table, as they call it here) is much like those at colleges in the u.s.   classes begin at 7:30am and go through 5:00pm.  most classes are 80 minutes long, and the students typically take 5 classes each day…their schedules change every day too, just like american universities.  there are basically 2 main breaks during the school day: one around 10:30 or so where they serve hot tea (which is really good) and these little beignet-like cakes they call mugati and then another lunch break around 1:30 where they serve posho (this thick, nearly solid substance that is something between mashed potatoes, day-old dried-up play-doh, and corn meal) and beans most days…i usually try to stick with the beans with as minimal a helping of posho as i can get away with.  on wednesdays and fridays, they usually have some form of meat (which i’ve tried to avoid altogether…think beef jerky CHUNKS in beef broth…NOT good) with rice.  i find myself leaning more towards protein bars and water for my sustenance during the day.  i’m so glad i packed all of those nutrigrain and protein bars…thanks mom! J

we’ve had a good bit of downtime in the afternoons and evenings, and i’ve gotten to know several of the interns who were here when we got here.  there’s also 2 girls and a guy from a school in michigan who are here working with h.e.a.l.s. (an after-school organization that jolly started).  the guy’s name is josh, and he and i are a lot alike.  we’ve ended up hanging out a lot at night, playing cards by candlelight or watching movies on someone’s laptop when the power’s out, which is quite often.

on friday, i didn’t have any classes to teach, so i hung out at the house and went to town in the morning.  one of the other teachers didn’t have class either, so we went to a relaxing lunch and walked around town.  it was a nice break from the fast pace we’ve been keeping.  i was a little homesick because i started thinking about the fact that everything that has been familiar and comfortable to me over the past few years is about to change drastically.  moving to houston is going to be a great experience, and i know that’s a door that God has opened, but it’s still a little nerve-wracking. 

all in all, a good week…it seems like we’ve been here for a really long time already

playing catch up.

ok, so i’m trying to catch up on my blogs, and i’m going through my journals from the trip and transferring the events into my blog so that you can see what has/is taking place here.  i will try to discuss the last two weeks or so in segments, but they’ll most likely be pretty lengthy…but here they are.  sorry it’s taken me so long to get these posted…better late than never, though, right?  J

mon, 6.4 through wed, 6.6 – we stayed at backpacker’s hostel in kampala monday and tuesday night.  it was a pretty cool little place with a sizable backyard…with 3 monkeys in it.  we left for gulu on wednesday morning, and it was a pretty tough ride.  we took a mutatu, which is basically a small van that has 3 rows of minimally-cushioned bench seating.  it was quite uncomfortable, especially considering it took us about 6 hours to get from kampala to gulu.  after 4 or 5 hours, we came to the nile river and had to cross it.  shortly afterward, we saw about 10 or 12 baboons and several of them came right up to our mutatu.  at one point, i thought that one of them was going to jump THROUGH the window…quite an experience.

thurs, 6.7 through fri, 6.8 – after arriving at the invisible children volunteer house (our home for the next 4+ weeks), we unpacked and tried to settle in a little bit.  over the course of the next 2 days, we had several discussions and orientation-type meetings…some of which were really interesting…the others, not so much.  two of the sessions were led by this guy named david.  actually, his name is aliker (the “er” is pronounced “ay”) david…the norm here is for people to be given an acholi name which usually comes from the circumstances in which they were born (in this case, aliker, which means “hardship from power”…he was born during a lot of the idi amin-related conflicts and his parents were dealing with some rough times at the time of his birth).  they are also given a christian name (most likely an influence of the vast missionary work that has taken place here throughout uganda’s history)…hence aliker david. 

anyway, david spoke to us about the impacts of colonialism on uganda.  it was really interesting because he discussed how he was a serious product of british colonialism…and how that was such an isolating thing.  he is very intellectual and extremely well-spoken, which make him stick out in the acholi community.  however, he’s also knowledgeable and part of the acholi tribal culture by birth, so he will never quite be fully accepted by western society.  the most amazing thing about it, though, was the fact that he is AWARE of the dilemma he has put himself in.  he accepts it, just as he acknowledges the pros of colonialism (english language, capitalist influence, etc.) while at the same time noting its cons (oppression and near-death of many acholi cultures and traditions, capitalistic avarice, etc.).   his second talk was on the effects of the war in northern uganda on education.  not quite as interesting as the talk about colonialism, but really neat nonetheless.

sat, 6.9 through sun 6.10 – i met my team teacher from gulu high school.  his name is otong (“the spear”…evidently, his dad tried to attack his uncle with a spear on the same day that he was born over some livestock dispute) isaiah.  he’s only a year older than i am, and i really think that we’re going to be able to work well together.  he seems really open to trying new methods in the classroom, and he’s really interested in teaching his students to be better critical thinkers…should be a great partnership.

on sunday, we went to an orphanage that st. jude’s runs near here.  after taking a tour of the facilities, we played with the kids.  i played soccer for about 45 minutes with a group of boys who were all between 10 and 14 years old…it was so much fun! 

on a side note, i’d like to thank matthew…i’ve run into some trouble in uploading new blog posts, and matthew is making it possible for me to relay these to you by posting them as i email them to him.  i will post whenever possible from here, but chances are that most of them will come by way of matthew.  in the event that i can post some, the timeframe might be a bit jumbled…for this i apologize…it is simply a product of the terribly slow internet speeds here…but as we’ve come accustomed to saying here, T.I.A.! (This Is Africa! [their sense of timing and punctuality is QUITE different from ours!])